Mom

I lost my Mom today. She went in the hospital on Sept 1, 2010 to get a breathing treatment, she had COPD, and ended up having a massive heart attack. She was in intensive care for about a month and seemed to be doing much better. She was transferred to a different hospital which specializes in weaning patients off ventilators. There, they had her sitting up on the side of the bed, sitting in a chair and were even going to start getting her to try and walk today. She was incredibly anxious to get home.

They did a procedure this morning that took samples of the fluid in her lungs for examination and apparently this caused her lung to collapse and she ended up having another heart attack. They couldn't bring her back this time.

We had made so many plans for this fall. A trip to the mountains. A trip to the zoo. Everything in this house has her stamp on it. I don't know if I can continue living here anymore. Everything reminds me of her. I see her cooking at the stove, playing with the cats. I see unfinished projects. Christmas decorations that she loved putting out at the holidays. Books she liked to read. Her reading glasses. I know that with time this will get better, but I can't begin to describe the intense pain I'm in right now. She was my best friend.

We talked everyday when I was at work, sometimes several times a day. She was the first person I called when I got news, good or bad. When I'd take a trip for work, I'd call her to let her know what the city was like, the tourist spots, etc. When I went to New York for the first time, I called her from Times Square and she was so excited that I got to go. She was my life.

I can't imagine ever going to the movies again without her. Or eating at our favorite restaurant. Doing anything without her seems like a little slice of hell right now. Signing off for now. I just needed to try and document how I feel. I'll post more later.