The Pain

I haven't updated in a while. I thought I was handling things pretty ok. I assumed after the visitation, things would start getting back to a new normal. But the exact opposite happened. I started taking xanax for anxiety and I didn't react well. I lost motor skill functionality as well as 3 days of my life. And now the pain is worse than before. Much worse. I can't bring my self to shower, clean the house or eat. The only solace I find is through music through blip.fm. I feel like I shouldn't be taking this so hard. People lose their parents every day and manage daily functions. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I act normally just once? I'm terrified of sleeping. My dreams almoat always Mom. That's enough for now. I'll update later.